There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the
accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses.
The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last,
they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to
their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the
questions.
The police chief asks, "What were the people doing on the bus?"
The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing
around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.
The chief asks, "Yeah, but what else were they doing?".
The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a
bottle.
The chief says, "Oh! They were drinking, huh??!" The chief continues,
"Okay, were they doing anything else?"
The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning
they were talking.
The chief loses his patience, "If they were having such a great time,
who was driving the stupid bus then?"
The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a
wheel.
Saturday, 21 March 2015
Bear & The Bunny
A bear was chasing this bunny around a forest.
They ran into a clearing and were running around a certain huge redwood
where a genie lived.
The genie got so tired of the racket that he finally came out and told
the pair that he would grant them 3 wishes a piece if they would just
leave him alone. The pair agreed.
The bear said he would go first. "I wish...that all the bears in this
forest were female."
The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and asked for a
helmet.
The bear thought that strange but continued. "I wish...that all the
bears in this country to be female!" The genie granted the wish. The
bunny just grinned again and wished for a motorcycle. He jumped on the
bike, put on his helmet and started gunning it.
The bear looked at the bunny and said, "You must be the stupidest bunny I
ever met!"
Then he asked for his last wish. "I wish...that all the bears in this
world to be female!"
The genie granted the wish. The bunny just grinned and said, "I wish the
bear was gay."
Tuesday, 17 March 2015
Evils Of Liquor!
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.
“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.
Shyam, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”
“Now, class. Observe closely the worms,” said the professor putting a worm first into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.
The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
“Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?” the professor asked.
Shyam, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, “Drink whiskey and you won’t get worms.”
Every Woman's Dream !
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit; she instructed her son – to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to daddy who is at site.
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy’s phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why?
She repeated the slap, people from neighborhood rushed around to know the cause of this.
The man asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called,
Junior said “the number u are trying to call is not reachable“.
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a lady that picked up daddy’s phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile.
She waited impatiently for her husband to return from site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while the man was trying to ask why?
She repeated the slap, people from neighborhood rushed around to know the cause of this.
The man asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called,
Junior said “the number u are trying to call is not reachable“.
Formula For Water
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
PAPPU : “HIJKLMNO” !!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it’s H to O !
PAPPU : “HIJKLMNO” !!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
PAPPU : Yesterday you said it’s H to O !
What Will You Do Officer!
A policeman caught a nasty little boy with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other.
“Now listen here,” the policeman said, “Whatever yo do to that poor, defenceless creature I shall personally do to you”
“In that case,” said the boy, “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”
“In that case,” said the boy, “I’ll kiss it’s butt and let it go”
If He Went To Hell
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah”.
The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”
Afraid Of Darkness!
A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night
his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the
broom. The little boy turned to his mother and said, “Mama, I don’t want to go out there. It’s dark.”
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. “You don’t have to be afraid of the dark,” she explained. “God is out there. He’ll look after you and protect you.”
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, “Are you sure he’s out there?”
“Yes, I’m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him,” she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, “God? If you’re out there, would you please hand me the broom?”
The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. “You don’t have to be afraid of the dark,” she explained. “God is out there. He’ll look after you and protect you.”
The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, “Are you sure he’s out there?”
“Yes, I’m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him,” she said.
The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, “God? If you’re out there, would you please hand me the broom?”
God Is Missing
There were two brothers at aged 12 & 8.
They were so naughty and always people comes with complain to their
parents. Parents became very fed-up and they have taken them to the mental doctor.
Doctor firstly call 12 years boy and asked him “Tell me where is god?” The boy keep himsilence. Then doctor again with loud voice asked him “Tell me where is God?”.
The boy suddenly ran away and went to his home and hide himself in his cloth cupboard.
When another brother saw that he also ran away after him and reached to the home and asked “Brother what doctor asked you and why you ran away?”
The elder brother said, “God is missing and everybody thinking that we did it”
Doctor firstly call 12 years boy and asked him “Tell me where is god?” The boy keep himsilence. Then doctor again with loud voice asked him “Tell me where is God?”.
The boy suddenly ran away and went to his home and hide himself in his cloth cupboard.
When another brother saw that he also ran away after him and reached to the home and asked “Brother what doctor asked you and why you ran away?”
The elder brother said, “God is missing and everybody thinking that we did it”
Be Quite At Church
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “and why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”
Little Johnny replied, “Because we must not disturb people while sleeping.”
God Is Watching
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
“Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line,at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note:
“Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
“Take only ONE. God is watching.”
Moving further along the lunch line,at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note:
“Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”
T.V Mathematics
Maths teacher asks a boy what are 2,4,10,17.
-
-
-
-
-
-
The boy replies they are HBO, ZOOM, SONY and POGO.
-
-
-
-
-
-
The boy replies they are HBO, ZOOM, SONY and POGO.
Little & Girl
Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other,
“Are you a little girl or a little boy?”
“I don’t know,” replied the other baby giggling.”What do you mean, you don’t know?” said the first baby.
“I mean I don’t know how to tell the difference,” was the reply.
Well, I do,” said the first baby chuckling. “I’ll climb into your crib and find out.”
He carefully climbed himself into the other baby’s crib, then
quickly disappeared beneath the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
“You’re a little girl, and I’m a little boy,” he said proudly.
“You’re ever so clever,” cooed the baby girl, “but how can you tell?”
“It’s quite easy really,” replied the baby boy, “You’ve got pink socks and I’ve got blue ones.”
“I don’t know,” replied the other baby giggling.”What do you mean, you don’t know?” said the first baby.
“I mean I don’t know how to tell the difference,” was the reply.
Well, I do,” said the first baby chuckling. “I’ll climb into your crib and find out.”
He carefully climbed himself into the other baby’s crib, then
quickly disappeared beneath the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big grin on his face.
“You’re a little girl, and I’m a little boy,” he said proudly.
“You’re ever so clever,” cooed the baby girl, “but how can you tell?”
“It’s quite easy really,” replied the baby boy, “You’ve got pink socks and I’ve got blue ones.”
My Dog
Teacher : Pappu, your composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brother’s. Did you copy his?
Pappu : No, teacher, it’s the same dog… we both wrote on!!!
Saturday, 14 March 2015
Little Sam
Little Sam (on phone): My son is having high fever and he won’t be able to come to school today.
Teacher: Who is this?
Little Sam: This is my father speaking!
Teacher: Who is this?
Little Sam: This is my father speaking!
LOL
One day teacher asked Sam that did his father help him with his homework.
Sam simply said that “No, he did it all by himself”!
Sam simply said that “No, he did it all by himself”!
HAHAHA
Teacher said the students to convert the sentence "I killed a person" into future tense.
Suddenly Johnny stands up and said, Sir the future tense is "u will go to jail"!
Suddenly Johnny stands up and said, Sir the future tense is "u will go to jail"!
Little Johnny
Teacher: Which one is closer, Sun or Africa?
Johnny: Sun
Teacher: Why?
Johnny: We can see the sun all the time, but can’t see Africa.
Johnny: Sun
Teacher: Why?
Johnny: We can see the sun all the time, but can’t see Africa.
Teacher & Student
Teacher asked the students to tell the importance of the year 1809.
John stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was born”
Then teacher again asked the students to tell the importance of another year 1819
Then Sam suddenly stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was ten years old”!
John stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was born”
Then teacher again asked the students to tell the importance of another year 1819
Then Sam suddenly stand up and said “Abraham Lincoln was ten years old”!
Teacher & Student
Teacher asked the students to tell the most common word used by students in a classroom.
Suddenly a student got up and said “Can’t Sir”!
Brilliant! You are right, the teacher said!
Suddenly a student got up and said “Can’t Sir”!
Brilliant! You are right, the teacher said!
Johnny asked to Sam what they will do that night.
Sam said “we will flip a coin”
Then Johnny said “If it comes head, we will go for movies. If tails, we will play cards, if it stands on edge, we will study”!
Sam said “we will flip a coin”
Then Johnny said “If it comes head, we will go for movies. If tails, we will play cards, if it stands on edge, we will study”!
ELEPHANT
It was oral examination in the standard two. The class teacher asked various questions to the students. She asked Tom, ‘Can you tell me a name of an animal that starts with alphabet ‘E’?
Tom replied ‘ELEPHANT’
Teacher asked him again to name an animal that starts with alphabet ‘T’.
Tom replied ‘Two Elephants’
Teacher asked him the same question.
Tom replied ‘Ten Elephants’
Annoyed teacher, asked him name an animal that starts with alphabet ‘M’
Tom replied ‘Mother Elephant’
The angry teacher repeated the same question.
Cool Tom replied ‘May be an elephant’
Thursday, 12 March 2015
Wake me up in Baltimore!
“Excuse me sir,” said the man to one
of the stewards on an Amtrak Train, “I always get nauseous when I go on trains,
so I am going to to take a heavy sleeping pill, but please do whatever you can
to make sure I get off when it stops in Baltimore. I really don’t want to miss
my great aunt’s funeral.” “Sure thing!” said the steward happily, we’ll make
you sure you get off!” Six hours later the train stopped in Washington D.C. and
the man jumped out of his seat in a panic, “WHAT THE HECK! I ASKED YOU TO WAKE
ME UP IN BALTIMORE!” “Oh boy! He looks mad!” Remarked the fellow behind him to
his wife. “Not half as mad as that other guy they carried off back in
Baltimore.” She whispered back.
How were people born?
A child asked his father, "How
were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies,
then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child
then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We
were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran
back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied,
"No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
God is watching
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a
nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is
watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes
his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
What was the answer to your question?
A proud and confident genius makes a
bet with an idiot. The genius says, "Hey idiot, every question I ask you
that you don't know the answer, you have to give me $5. And if you ask me a
question and I can't answer yours I will give you $5,000." The idiot says,
"Okay." The genius then asks, "How many continents are there in
the world?" The idiot doesn't know and hands over the $5. The idiot says,
"Now me ask: what animal stands with two legs but sleeps with three?"
The genius tries and searches very hard for the answer but gives up and hands
over the $5000. The genius says, "Dang it, I lost. By the way, what was
the answer to your question?" The idiot hands over $5.
Beans
A teacher asked her students to use
the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans,"
said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student
spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Two Sons
Two
sons
Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One
was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the
two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own
Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his
brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under
cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you
doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your
name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious
the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy
replied, "Why, yes."
Tuesday, 10 March 2015
Highway!
Little Johnny was with his mom as she was driving her old beat up car on the Highway. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by her. After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road she looked at her speedometer to seeshe is doing 15 miles over the speed limit.
Slowing down she moved over to theside to let the group of cars get ahead. She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car.
As he did he said, "Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?"
Little Johnny peeped up from the back seat, "I do! It's because you couldn't catch the other cars."
Little Johnny
Little Johnny was with his mom as she was driving her old beat up car on
the Highway. She tried to keep up with traffic but they were flying by
her. After getting caught in a large group of cars flying down the road
she looked at her speedometer to seeshe is doing 15 miles over the speed
limit.
Slowing down she moved over to theside to let the group of cars get ahead. She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car.
As he did he said, "Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?"
Little Johnny peeped up from the back seat, "I do! It's because you couldn't catch the other cars."
Slowing down she moved over to theside to let the group of cars get ahead. She looked up and saw the flashing lights of a police car. Pulling over she waited for the officer to come up to her car.
As he did he said, "Ma'am do you know why I pulled you over?"
Little Johnny peeped up from the back seat, "I do! It's because you couldn't catch the other cars."
Little Johnny Top Jokes
Johnny: Dad, what is a weapon?
Father: Well, Son, that's something you fight with.
Johnny: Is Mom your weapon?
*****************************************************************
Boss: Where were you born?
Little Johnny: India ..
Boss: which part
Little Johnny: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .
*****************************************************************
2 Little Johnny were fixing a bomb in a car.
Little Johnny 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Little Johnny 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
*****************************************************************
Little Johnny: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Little Johnny: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
*****************************************************************
Little Johnny joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Little Johnny: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
*****************************************************************
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Little Johnny: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
*****************************************************************
Little Johnny: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Little Johnny: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
*****************************************************************
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Little Johnny: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Little Johnny: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
*****************************************************************
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Little Johnny: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Little Johnny: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
*****************************************************************
A Little kid was having a problem with his homework.
Dad, he asked, "What is the difference between anger and exasperation?"
"Well, son," said his father, "I'll give you a practical demonstration."
His father picked up the phone and dialled a number.
"Hello," said a voice at the other end.
"Hello," said his father. "Is Melvin there?"
"There is no one called Melvin here!" the voice replied. "Why don't you look up numbers before you dial them?"
"You see?" said kid's father. "That man was not at all happy with our call. Now watch this!"'
He then dialled the number again, and says, "Hello, is Melvin there?"
"Now look here!" the voice said angrily. "I told you there is no Melvin here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again!"
"Did you hear that?" kid's father asked. "That was anger. Now, I will show you what exasperation is!"
*****************************************************************
He dialled once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, he said, "Hello! This is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"
Children 3
Slow Mom, Fast Mom!
Little Freddie's mother was in the hospital, and he was paying a visit to see his new brother. He wandered into an adjoining room which was occupied by a woman with a broken leg.
"Hello," he said. "How long have you been here?"
"Oh, about a month."
"Let me see your baby," he then asked.
"Why, I haven't a baby," the woman replied.
"Gee, you're slow," said Freddie. "My mama's been here just two days and she's got one."
*****************************************************************
Don't Mess with Kids
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty , but a horse produces clumps . Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death, when you don't know shit ?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
Children 50
New Baby Sibling
When a woman discovered that she was pregnant, her four-year-old son overheard his parents' conversation.
He didn't say anything until a week later when a family friend asked him if he was excited about the prospect of a new brother or sister.
"Yes," said the boy, "and I know what we're going to name it. If it's a girl, we're going to call her Emily, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits."
Father: Well, Son, that's something you fight with.
Johnny: Is Mom your weapon?
*****************************************************************
Boss: Where were you born?
Little Johnny: India ..
Boss: which part
Little Johnny: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .
*****************************************************************
2 Little Johnny were fixing a bomb in a car.
Little Johnny 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Little Johnny 2: Dont worry, I have one more.
*****************************************************************
Little Johnny: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Little Johnny: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
*****************************************************************
Little Johnny joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Little Johnny: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.
*****************************************************************
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Little Johnny: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?
*****************************************************************
Little Johnny: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Little Johnny: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '
*****************************************************************
NOW THE LAST TWO ULTIMATE:
In an interview, Interviewer: How does an electric motor run?
Little Johnny: Dhhuuuurrrrrrrrrr. .....
Inteviewer shouts: Stop it.
Little Johnny: Dhhuurrrr dhup dhup dhup...
*****************************************************************
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Little Johnny: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Little Johnny: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.
*****************************************************************
A Little kid was having a problem with his homework.
Dad, he asked, "What is the difference between anger and exasperation?"
"Well, son," said his father, "I'll give you a practical demonstration."
His father picked up the phone and dialled a number.
"Hello," said a voice at the other end.
"Hello," said his father. "Is Melvin there?"
"There is no one called Melvin here!" the voice replied. "Why don't you look up numbers before you dial them?"
"You see?" said kid's father. "That man was not at all happy with our call. Now watch this!"'
He then dialled the number again, and says, "Hello, is Melvin there?"
"Now look here!" the voice said angrily. "I told you there is no Melvin here! You have got a lot of nerve calling again!"
"Did you hear that?" kid's father asked. "That was anger. Now, I will show you what exasperation is!"
*****************************************************************
He dialled once again. And on hearing the voice at the other end, he said, "Hello! This is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"
Children 3
Slow Mom, Fast Mom!
Little Freddie's mother was in the hospital, and he was paying a visit to see his new brother. He wandered into an adjoining room which was occupied by a woman with a broken leg.
"Hello," he said. "How long have you been here?"
"Oh, about a month."
"Let me see your baby," he then asked.
"Why, I haven't a baby," the woman replied.
"Gee, you're slow," said Freddie. "My mama's been here just two days and she's got one."
*****************************************************************
Don't Mess with Kids
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."
The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"
"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.
"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty , but a horse produces clumps . Why do you suppose that is?"
The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."
To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss why there is no GOD, or no Heaven or Hell , or no life after death, when you don't know shit ?"
And then she went back to reading her book.
Children 50
New Baby Sibling
When a woman discovered that she was pregnant, her four-year-old son overheard his parents' conversation.
He didn't say anything until a week later when a family friend asked him if he was excited about the prospect of a new brother or sister.
"Yes," said the boy, "and I know what we're going to name it. If it's a girl, we're going to call her Emily, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits."
Locked Car - Frozen Brain
When my husband and I arrived at our local Ford dealer to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
'Hey,' I announced to the Mechanic, 'It's open.'
His reply, 'I know. I already did that side.'
Monday, 9 March 2015
Sunday, 8 March 2015
Little Johnny
Little Johnny was walking down the beach when he spied a matronly woman
sitting on the sand under a beach umbrella. He walked up to her and
asked,
"Are you a Christian?"
"Yes," she replied.
"Do you read your Bible every day?"
She nodded her head, "Yes."
"Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes." With that, he asked his final question,
"Will you hold my quarter(1/4 of a Dollar) while I go swimming?"
"Are you a Christian?"
"Yes," she replied.
"Do you read your Bible every day?"
She nodded her head, "Yes."
"Do you pray often?" the boy asked next, and again she answered, "Yes." With that, he asked his final question,
"Will you hold my quarter(1/4 of a Dollar) while I go swimming?"
Saturday, 7 March 2015
Boa Constrictor
I was in a pet store picking up some
pet food for my dog when I overheard the following conversation. A cute girl
peaks over the counter and politely asks the sales representative. “I’m
interested in buying a rabbit.” “Oh sure we’ve got lots of rabbits” gushed the
motherly sales representative. “Do you have any specific color in mind? We’ve
got some adorable white Bunnies down this isle.” The lady exclaimed. “Oh” said
the cute girl with a wave of her hand, “I really don’t think my boa constrictor
would care about what color it is!”
Consoling Susie
Mom and Dad were trying to console
Susie whose dog, Skipper, had recently died.
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
"You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God."
Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?"
What does Humanitarian eat?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be
committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.
In what language do people recite at a play and play
at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
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