5 Short English Jokes !

1. Why do cows have horns?
   
   Because their bells don't work.  
2.  What is the longest word in the English language? 'Smiles'.  Because there is a mile between its first and last letters.
3. Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?  Because from a distance they looked like hares.
4. Did you hear what the English, the Irish and the Scots did when they heard the world was coming to an end? The English all went out and got drunk. The Irish all went to church. And the Scots had a closing down sale.
5. There are four kinds of people in the UK :
   i. First, there were the Scots who kept the Sabbath - and everything else they could lay their hands on;
   ii. Then there were the Welsh - who prayed on their knees and their neighbors;
   iii. Thirdly there were the Irish who never knew what they wanted - but were willing to fight for it anyway.
   iv. Lastly there were the English who considered themselves self-made men, thus relieving the Almighty of a terrible responsibility.