Once upon a
time, there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She
loved them but unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and
somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a man and fell in love.
When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, He is
such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on. So she
made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some
months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in
the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because
she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the odor of the
baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk,
she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached
home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed
three large orders baked beans. All the way home she putt-putted, and upon arriving
home she felt reasonably sure she could control it.
Her
husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling, I have a
surprise for dinner tonight.” He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair
at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the
blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch
the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the telephone. The
baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure was
becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized
the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only
loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of
pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously.
Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her
of cooked cabbage.
Keeping
her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for
another ten minutes. When the telephone farewells signaled the end of her
freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin placed it on her
lap and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.
She
was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking
so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At
this point, he removed the blindfold, and she was surprised!
There
were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her and her husband a
Happy Anniversary!
